The Hollow, shining bubble

It was at the age of 17 when I churned out my grand plans of what I wanted from life. I’d become the world’s best travel journalist, marry a footballer, own a white picket fenced house facing the sea, have a few kids, own a couple of dogs…
and I believed I was working towards fulfilling all these desires until one fine sunny day everything turned around and I was left with choices I felt incredibly insecure and unsure about. My fears and doubts about what I wanted in and from life were all the more pronounced when I was constantly pitted against people who were so very confident and convinced about themselves.

I knew I wanted to write. I knew I wanted to dance. I knew I wanted to travel. How did the three fall in together? I reached a stage when all I wanted was for someone to look me straight in the eyes and tell me that all the confusion was worth it, that someday I’ll figure it out, that not knowing where I’m headed wasn’t such a bad thing after all.

And when I was going through this phase of self inflicted doubt and terror, I came to terms with a few facts. The pain you feel, the confusion, the doubt, the fear…that’s life. Its there for a reason, to remind us of how alive we can be, that whatever we dream of, we all just want to be happy and to smile real smiles.

And along this journey of self discovery, I stumbled upon some very important revelations. My writings might not be able to make it to the book shelves, I might have just a handful of readers, my characters probably won’t make it to the history textbooks…but I’ll keep writing. Writing in the hope, that someday people will see the world through my eyes, that they’ll travel through pictures and worlds which I so delicately create for them, that I'll manage to assemble visions on paper, that I'll be able to put my ever so demented, pensive and random musings in ink.
That I might not be the stereotypically perfect looking, long legged dancer but I’ll still dance…dance because that’s my escapism, dance because that’s when I can be one with myself and one with the universe, because that’s the simplest yet most profound language, dance with the faith that someday the passion that I feel for the craft will echo and shine on its accord.
This post probably speaks volumes about the confused state of mind I perpetually live in these days. But as I learn to embrace this chaos and confusion, I realise that the perplexity and bewilderment isn’t so bad after all, and as long as I manage to have fun and make great memories along the roads, the disorder and turmoil will be worth it!